How to Tell Someone You Like Them
“I was on a date with this hot model. Well, it wasn’t a ‘date’ date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.”
-Dave Attell
How to Tell Someone You Like Them
Catching romantic feelings for someone is simultaneously glorious and painful for an introvert. On the one hand, finding someone you want to spend time with when you’re so comfortable in your own company is a true delight. On the other hand, the thought of having a vulnerable conversation with someone and confessing feelings is enough to send most introverts packing for their new lifestyle as a hermit in the woods.
If you truly like someone, and you think that you want to try building a future with them, then staying silent will only do both of you harm. However, there are ways that you can confess your feelings without completely destroying your comfort zone. The power of the written word has always been romantic.
Sometimes, writing a letter is easier than talking face-to-face, so here is how to tell someone you like them in a letter.
Get Personal
This is not the time to pick out a generic Valentine’s Day card from the drugstore. You want to show your sincerity to the object of your affections, even if you’re not used to letting down your guard. Avoid cynicism, irony, and maybe even jokes (unless your existing friendship is based on humor).
Instead, be honest about your feelings. You can even be honest about how nervous you are about writing the letter or telling this person about your feelings! Showing them how nervous you are is also a way of showing how your relationship actually means something to you.
Be honest about how you feel. The reason you are writing the letter is to tell someone that you like them, so now is not the time to play it coy or cool. Instead, be vulnerable and personal, showing the person exactly how much they mean to you.
Talk About Why You Like Them
A letter is a great way to expand on your feelings in a way that you may not get a chance to do in person. Instead of just writing, “I like you, let’s date,” take the time to be more elaborate. Write about what drew you to this person in this first place. Talk about how you like their smile, or their sense of humor, or the passionate way they talk about their interests.
This is also a great place to bring up stories from your time together. You can share a story about the time you realized that you liked this person as something more than friends or bring up a shared memory that makes you think that you will work well as a couple. Who knows, maybe those same memories also have meaning for the person.
In this part of the letter, you can also mention how special this connection is for you as an introvert. Explain how it is difficult for you to find people who you enjoy spending time with or who don’t feel exhausting, and how much it means to you that you’ve built that connection.
Be Clear About What You Want…
Be open about the reason why you are writing the letter. Maybe you just want to get your feelings off of your chest, or you want to try dating, or you see a real future with this person and want to try something serious (however, if what you want is to run away together immediately to a cabin in the woods where you will live together forever, maybe save that for at least the second real date).
The important thing is to be transparent about your intentions. You don’t want the person to feel more confused than before after reading your letter.
Above all, make it clear that you are not writing the letter as an obligation. Say that you don’t want the person to feel pressured into reciprocating your feelings or changing your current relationship in any way. Being respectful and understanding will help you win over this person.
…Or Not
However, if you don’t know the person that well or are not sure yourself about what you see together in the future, then you can keep the letter vague instead of making bold declarations you don’t want to follow up with.
Instead of making it a letter about how much you want to be in a relationship with the person, focus the letter on their qualities. Talk about how great the person is, what you like about them, and how they make you feel. Compliment them a ton—most people like hearing compliments, even in written form.
By focusing the letter on the person and not on your own feelings, you make them feel warm and loved, even if they may not feel the same way that you do. It can also make following up less awkward in that situation, and the letter can stand as a warm artifact of your friendship instead of a bomb threatening to blow it up.
Consider Whether a Letter Is the Right Way to Go
While confessing your feelings in a letter seems easy (or at least easier than going up to someone and telling them), it’s not always the best way to go.
Think about how well you know the person or think that they reciprocate your feelings. If you don’t know the person well at all or know that there is a reason why they may not feel the same way (for example, if they are in a relationship), then writing a letter might just create more awkwardness. Try to find ways to get to know them better or gauge their feelings for you before writing a letter.
You should also think about their communication styles. If the person prefers to have important conversations face-to-face, then you should work up the courage to have an in-person conversation.
You shouldn’t change yourself completely for a person that you like, but a relationship will require eventually stepping out of your comfort zone.
Conclusion
Confessing your feelings for someone is terrifying and exhilarating at once. If you want to do it in a letter, make the letter personalized, full of stories of your time together and what you like about the person. Focus the letter on the person and why you like them, but don’t be shy about stating your feelings clearly if you are sure that won’t make things awkward between you.